Sunday, January 18, 2009

It's been eight years. Count 'em, eight. I know I've been counting them - backwards, actually, and by the slow, wretched second. And now the George W. Bush presidency is in its last moments, which means there's only one thing left to do: cruelly remind the world that it ever happened. That's right, it's time to build W.'s presidential library.

Unlike the one in this photo, the Presidential Library
will be more of a depository of Bush's presidential
documents and memorabilia. But like in the picture,
most of said documents will be crayon illustrations.

Every president gets one. Since John Adams, at least. I heard that Bush wanted two, one for each term, but eventually ended up settling for one library, and one
Snuggie. What, you didn't get one for Christmas either? It's a blanket with arm-holes! It is so genius.
For the one library that will eventually exist, here are some predictions about what it will feature:

-Penalty for being too loud: waterboarding.
-Tour group meeting point for children left behind
-Display: Bush's flag pin collection
-A GM showroom (fine print in auto industry bailout bill)
-Display: Cheney's human heart collection
-Outdoor fountain illustrating trickle-down economic policy
-Accompanying wishing well, illustrating same policy for low-income visitors
-Gift shop item: George Bush Brand (c) Pretzels (more holes and less pretzel to reduce choking hazard)
-Bush Adult Literacy Center for those who cannot read, have great senses of irony
-A dog park. Yeah, there's that recession business, but everybody likes dogs.

By the way, construction costs for the library are currently estimated at $200 million - $500 million. If we apply the current model of Bush Administration budget planning, that means it will actually end up costing roughly $1 trillion, 300 billion Chinese yuan, and there might be a Draft or something.

No comments: