Thursday, March 19, 2009

Jerks and the Women Who "Love" Them, Part II

Edward Okun, holder of trophy wife Simone Bolasi (both pictured right), was convicted by a federal jury in Miami of stealing $132 million in a modest Ponzi scheme. One of Okun's victims is local Braintree auto dealer Daniel Quirk, owner of Quirk Auto Inc, Quirk Ford, and, oddly, the Fore River Shipyard.

A few thoughts

  • You know the saying, "you can't shit a shitter"? Must not be true. A car magnate got scammed.
  • Is there a place where one gets trophy brides, and, if so, where is it and how much do i need to make in order to get one? Do I need a million dollars? Is it the horrible place on that Bravo show?
  • What is the over/under on how many times Simone Bolasi visits Mr. Okun in prison? Is it 0.5? If so, TAKE THE UNDER.
  • I also think there is a direct correlation between the quality of a trophy wife and the quality of the business man who holds the trophy wife on his arm. If the trophy wife looks like she was previously a stripper or the daughter of Hulk Hogan or has fake breasts the size of water melons, the dude is probably not on the up and up. The Miami jury could have convicted based on that alone.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Tewksbury Terror

BNN wonders aloud what everyone else is thinking:
This guy has a girlfriend?

Stimulus This

This just in. Massachusetts to fix economy by building houses and then paying companies to dispose of them in the ocean.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Holier Than Now

A nationwide study has found that more Americans than ever do not identify themselves as members of any organized religious group.

The decline in godfearing may spell disaster for already-hurting small businesses. Like the ones that trick out yarmulkes, or the few butchers who really know how to cut the finest Jesus flank around. But mostly, these changing demographics are having an impact in Rhode Island.

It doesn't take much to impact Rhode Island, we know. It's a miracle that the state even managed to repopulate itself after the Station fire. Still, this is a big deal too. As the local press has noted, the state has moved from a 62 percent Catholic population in 1990 to only 46 percent now. It's like the entire Kickemuit Klose Condominium Complex stopped going to church!

What have the local Dioceses said to this devastating news? In a word, "Nahhh."

According to the Providence Journal, the Catholic Diocese of Providence, "acknowledges only a slight decline in the percentage of Catholics." Church officials note that they still see large crowds of people in church, and have refuted the findings of the national report. A separate study by the Association of Statisticians of American Religious Bodies has found a similar decrease in American religion. But it's like, still. Come on. Nahhh.

One Narragansett Reverend says that he finds the numbers hard to believe, and actually, maybe we should just take him at his word. We've read the Old Testament, and have decided that the Reverend's standards of hard-to-believe must be pretty fucking high.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

The Weekly Podcast Posted

Last week's show was BNN's first anniversary show.

You can watch the full episode HERE

Happy Birthday, BNN.

Uhoh It's Magic . . . sort of . . . not really

In Syracuse N.Y., the birthplace of magic, Wade Whitcomb aka Wade Live is claiming that he ducessfully shipped himself in a crate from NY to Vegas. We at BNN admire Wade Live's amazing magical acumen to sit in a crate for a week while videotaping himself.

We look forward to some of his future magical feats:
  • The perfect Tivo recording
  • Spending a week in Atlantic City without losing all his money or contracting a VD
  • Saving the economy

Monday, March 9, 2009

Criminal Genius - Mattapan Edition

Everyone knows that the New England area has some of the most brilliant minds around. Our institutions of higher learner are without peer. Our intellectual history includes such giants as Holmes, Emerson, and the rest of the Dante Club.
What is less well known is that we also have some of the smartest law breakers around. Take, for examine, Mattapan resident Maxwell O. Thomas. This weekend the police arrested him for allegedly running an illegal after-hours bar in the basement of his house. The Herald reports that after the police arrested Thomas, brought him to the police station and began the process of booking him, Thomas made a brilliant move.
While being booked and making his one allowed phone call, Thomas was overheard saying he had stashed additional money under a brick near the house, cops said. Officers at the scene located $450 in the hiding spot, according to a police report.
While in the police station he tipped the police off on where the cash from his illegal bar was stashed.
True Genius.

Econ 911 - MBTA Bake Sale

I shit you not. The Boston Globe is reporting that MBTA supporters are taking the authority's budget woes ($ 8 billion deficit) into their own hands by having a Bake Sale on the statehouse steps today.

Sure, it may just a publicity stunt to shame an agency which has several employees making 6 figures, horrible productivity, and drivers who may or may not be high, but I hear the lemon sqaures or to die for.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Doesn't anyone steal money anymore?

Has the dollar lost so much value that it is not worth stealing?

Possibly. Yesterday a Randolph man was arrested after he was pulled over for speeding. Turns out that he had 150 lottery tickets and cigarettes stolen from a nearby store.

Additionally, and more absurdly, two men allegedly tried to steal $400 of Oil of Olay products from a Dorchester CVS. I guess they were worried about smooth skin. I hope their skin isn't that smooth, because they would become a hot commodity in prison.

Boston Herald[Boston Police Blotter]

Monday, March 2, 2009

The Hidden Victim of the Economic Downturn: Your teeth

We at BNN love the Boston Herald. They are committed to covering every nook and cranny a story possesses. Their ace reporting has revealed a heretofore unheralded victim in the economic crisis.

You see, when times are tough, people get stressed. And when people get stressed it has a physical effect on their body. One of these effects is teeth clenching which leads to jaw pain and headaches.

Not only does the Herald show you the problem, they take a step further and show you the solution that every unemployed and otherwise financially stressed member of the Hub: a $395 headband:

Problem solved. Thanks, Herald.

Boston Herald [Dentists: Stress leads to teeth clenching]