Thursday, July 17, 2008

Feel Better About You

So the Globe asked readers to send in pictures that apparently have something to do with Heath Ledger's suicide. This one right here is one of my favorites for a variety of reasons. The guy is wearing black eye make-up under the mask, and the older lady is dressed as one of the caped crusader's oldest foes: some kind of winged prostitute. Analysis suggests that the little girl is smiling because Mr "Never-too-old-for-Halloween-or-pretending-I'm-a-superhero" is pinching one of her facial nerves.

Here is a Graph

The Boston Globe is the best paper on the globe. That's why they're named as such. Today they give us a graph to enjoy, complete with lines and colors and numbers. Those who went to math school will instantly notice that the globe has just informed us that the Big Dig cost, in the words of Mr Webster "a fucking shitload." Thank you, Boston Globe. We knew you would get to that one eventually.

Globe: Big Dig's Red Ink Engulfs State

Kevin Cullen, Local Genius, Knows Many Things!

Just who is this silver fox who bears such a striking resemblance to Niles Crane's father? It's Kevin Cullen, that's who! And he loves his prematurely gray hair! And golf shirts under blazers! And writing rambling editorials for the Globe that are supposed to seem kind of brash and fun (he uses slang and such things!), but actually make you feel bad because it's not fun. Not at all! Make sure you read his work every chance you get, because he needs the support of his readers! And help moving into the Residence in in Taunton!

Cullen: If you don't like homosexuals, don't marry one

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

China Prepares For Olympics By Renforcing Stereotypes

BEIJING - Ahead of the August 8th opening ceremony for the Summer Olympics (XXIX for those counting and are Roman), China has been screwing around with fireworks, because apparently that's their thing. They will also be making tea, skittering around in dragon costumes, and mercilessly suppressing dissidents.

Jesus Saves

“I couldn’t have done it without my mother,” said a smiling Jesus. “And I learned to be calm from my dad.”

Eight Year Old Jesus a Savior

Oil Prices Drop, Waiting For Things to Get Okay Again Before Spiking

Oil prices dropped $4.50 to $134.24 a barrel today, continuing a slide in prices that started on Tuesday morning. While experts believe that the cause is attributable to increased supply coupled with a slackening demand due to decreased consumption, we at BNN are anticipating that it will shoot up to $200/barrel shortly, just as soon as the fallout from the FannieMae/FreddieMac bail-out passes and Americans start to feel hopeful about the economy.

JD Drew is King of Baseball!

JD Drew, who has spent the last 32 years desperately overcompensating for being a dirty ginger nutz, has been named King of Baseball after his 2-run homer during last night's All-Star game hit a blind kid in the stands and miraculously gave him sight. And cancer. In baseball, that's scored as a .500 and gets you a star shaped candle stick from Filenes Basement. It was marked down because it used to be part of a pair whose mate was destroyed in 1997 after Wil Cordero knocked it over while looking for something shiny to beat his wife with.

News Flash: The Red Line is Terrible

The Boston Globe is reporting what everyone already knows - that riding the T is like getting waterboarded, except instead of water the MBTA uses smells, late trains, and bums who apparently speak a lost twin language. Read all about it while you're waiting 20 minutes for the train that the conductor of the last packed-to-the-rafters-car-you-couldn't-shoehorn-into promised was "directly behind this train". Ha.

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Why Should I Believe Larry Sinclair?


With Larry Sinclair’s press conference coming up on 6/18/08, there’s not only a lot of dumbocrats shaking in their Birkenstocks that the man the put their faith in instead of Jesus is about to get exposed for the drug-taking, murderous, lying, Muslim, left-handed, homo, negro voodoo priest that he most certainly is. Still, Americans are a fair people and they wanna have all the information they can get before making the decision they know in their hearts to be true – that “President HUSSEIN Obama” will destroy America’s value and Christian heritage by selling us out to the towelheads or worse.

I was talking with some fella name xjblib over at Big Head DC, one of the best places to find out just how guilty Barack Osama Homo Bin Laden is and not have to listen to a bunch of morons and homos trying to defend him. While I was talking with him, it occurred to me that there ain’t a single document, like the voter’s guide that Dr. Dobson hands out, that’ll really let you look at the facts real quick and make up your on mind based on the information that’s given to you.

So I went ahead and made one.

The biggest thing about this whole dust-up is that fence-sitters say, “why should I believe Larry Sinclair when I don’t know him from Adam?” If you’re stupid enough to ask those kinds of questions, then this chart is gonna show you beyond a shadow of a doubt that Larry Sinclair is a whole lot more trustworthy than Barack Osama Homo Bin Laden.

A dumbocrat thinks he can find truth anywhere when, in fact,
truth only comes from the common sense that God gave you.

The way works is like this – I identified 12 important things that are key to figuring out whether to trust someone or not. For each thing would make you not trust someone, I gave the person a point. It’s really pretty simple. When you add everything up you’re gonna see that Larry Sinclair scores a 2 and Barack Osama Homo Bin Laden scores an 11! So who do you think is the more trustworthy person?


no_america.jpg Illegal Citizen – There’s real good proof coming out that Homobama ain’t even a American!! Hawaii might be a state but Rick Warren calls himself a Christian, too.

name.jpg Foreign Name – Ronald. George . Herbert. Those are names that sound America and that means that you can trust them. They ain’t the names of someone’s who’s gonna kill you in your sleep. Osama. Achmed. Barack. Them’s the names that terrorists have. I ain’t even sure why I gotta point this out but there’s plenty of drug-addled dumbocrats that don’t seem to get it.

jailbird.jpg Felon – You can’t trust a criminal but people make mistakes sometimes. Larry Sinclair came right out and admitted the dozens and dozens of crimes he committed right out of the gate. Homobama ain’t confessed to ONE of his. If it’s between a criminal that went to jail and one that ain’t, I’m gonna go with the one that has.

drugs.gif Drug user – Larry Sinclair says he ain’t done drugs for a long time and I got no reason to doubt him. Homobama said he stopped doing drugs along time ago and yet he smoked crack cocaine with Sinclair AFTER he said that he hadn’t done drugs for awhile. How do we know that he still don’t smoke crack or heroin or something worse? We don’t!

bloody_knife.jpg Murderer – Larry Sinclair ain’t killed one single person. Homobama has killed three homo negros who thought they’d squeal on him. I guess that’s like self-hating Jews or something. One of the first things I teach my kids – DON’T TRUST A MURDERER!

clinton.jpg Liar – Larry Sinclair’s been 100% honest about everything he done. Homabama can’t even talk about the weather without lying about it. And he ain’t a good liar, neither.

terrorist.jpg Muslim – You only have to look at his name to know that Homobama is a muslim. There’s even pictures of him with a towel on his head! Remember when he talked about the 57 states he been to? He weren’t talking about the United States – he was talking about ARAB states! I’m currently talking to a couple of people that claim that he prays to Mecca seven times a day like the devout towelhead he is. Larry Sinclair is NOT a Muslim. He’s white.

mixed-handed-left.png Left-handed – It’s a proven fact that left-handed people are lazy, shiftless and wanna live off the government without doing a stitch of work. They buy homes they can’t pay for but still somehow manage to drive around in Cadillacs. Watch Larry’s videos. He’s right-handed and that says a lot about a man’s character.

rainbow.png Gay – My song, The Sodomite’s Lament, is a pretty factual representation of the way homos live. All they care about is sex, drugs and butt sex. When you think about the lying and deviousness it takes to spend your life lusting after sinfulness it oughta be pretty clear that you’d be better off putting a gun to your head than trusting a homo. Now some people are gonna say it takes two to have gay sex. But according to his website, Larry Sinclair say that “he is single, never married.” If he was a faggot, wouldn’t he say that?

question.gif Metrosexual – I ain’t sure what this is but I know that Homobama is one, Larry Sinclair ain’t and that you can’t trust someone who is.

voodoo.gif Voodoo Priest – Larry Sinclair is a white man. Voodoo priests are negros. Homobama has never allowed anyone to verify that he has a voodoo altar in the basement of his house. Why wouldn’t he want to clear this up? Why would you trust him if he doesn’t?

jockey_sm.gif Negro – Again, Larry Sinclair is a white man. xjblib at BHDC makes the valid point that Homobama may be a Oreo but he ain’t a negro. I had a hard time figuring out how to score this. Originally, I was gonna give him a 2 on this because if you can’t say what race somebody is it makes it twice as hard to know if you can trust them or not. Someone suggested that I split the difference and give him a half point but that made the math a little hard. In the end, my pastor told me it kind cancels itself out so I oughta give him a 0 on it. After praying, Jesus said the same thing.

Those are the facts. Y'all go and do your research and you're gonna find out the exact same thing if you're doing it right.

So make sure you're paying attention on Wednesday, June 18, 2008 from 1-5:00 PM. The press conference will be in the Holman Lounge at the National Press Club. I'm told it's a pretty upscale place, too!

God is Love!

Saturday, July 5, 2008

The Pelosi Premium - How Dumbo-crats Plan To Kill Democracy

The Pelosi Premium

If you couldn't have seen $4/gallon gas coming the moment that Nancy "Mafia Princess" Pelosi got "elected" Speaker of the House then you don't read the Bible. I wonder just how much of the money good, hard working Christians pay at the pump goes right into the purse made of the skin of dead pre-borns that Pelosi carries around with her? $2? $3? The straight out fact is that gas went up 70% since the dumbo-crats took over Congress. 70%! That buys a lot of crack, don't it, "Senator" Obama? It's all part of the lie-beral plan to destroy the American economy and set up a Communist dictatorship in the US headed by a murderous, left-handed, gay, negro, crackhed voodoo priest whose name I ain't gonna mention.

See, by driving up the price of gas, they're hoping to start what Pelosi calls "the grand and glorious revolution of the proletariat". They think the American people are so stupid that they won't see through their evil plan, blame the Republican party and vote for a murderous, left-handed, gay, negro, crackhed voodoo priest who'll then declare himself Supreme Commissar for Life, opening the door for Obama bin Laden to waltz right in and make it illegal to have bacon with your eggs in the morning.

If Homobama gets elected, ham, bacon and sausage will
no longer be allowed on the family breakfast table because
we will be forced to be muslims

Americans ain't that stupid, though, and when God appoints the new president, gas prices are gonna fall faster than Michelle Obama fell for the line that her "husband" was a heterosexual.

"How's that gonna happen, Billy Bob," all the drugged out lie-beral zombies are gonna cry, "Lord Obama says it's impossible to bring down gas prices and we believe him cuz he's so handsome!" Well, he's lying! Simple as that! We got oil lying all over the United States of America, just wanting to be drilled and dug up but the dumbo-crats won't let us! They'd rather see Americans suffer and wilt rather than lift a finger to help them After all, John Kerry don't give a fig about ordinary Americans. He justs wants to laugh at their pain!

This is the vision of the American family put forth by the dumbo-crats
for the 2008 election. You think this is why God created America?

And Americans are suffering under the iron thumb of La Cosa Pelosi

  • A family in Texas had to cancel their cable to pay for gasoline
  • A family in Maine had to cancel their summer vacation plans just to send their son to Eagle Scout camp in Colorado
  • A family of twelve in Oklahoma has to get by on a quarter can of beans per person just to be able to afford to drive their Escalade to get the kids to school.
  • A grandmother in Mississippi died because her son couldn't afford the gas to drive her to the emergency room when she had a stroke.

The number of tragedies wrought by the dumb0-crats numbers into the millions! And all of it could be avoided if they'd step out of the way and let us get the oil God gave us. It's like this spokesman said on Fox News Sunday a couple of weeks ago -

The Creator didn’t leave oil and gas on every plot of land

But he did tell us how to find it and we owe it to both ourselves AND God to use what he gave us.


Can you find ANWAR? If it's so big, then how come you can't see it?

Now, unless you're home schooled, you probably don't know that this is a map of the world. If you look at the purple part in the upper left hand side - that's Alaska. There's a whole ton of oil in Alaska that the Dumbo-crats wanna tell us we can't use. Why? Because we might kill a couple of snow fleas. Oh, boo hoo! Let all the grandmother's in America die from strokes but please, oh, please save the snow fleas! Y'all can call me anything you want but I would personally hunt down every gol-darned snow flea in the world to save my grandmother.

Save the snow flea or save Grandma? The only possible reason to
spend any kind of time thinking about this question is if you're a drug

Another reason the commies say we can't take God's oil outta there is that it's so "pristine". That's a bunch of crap because I bet they never been to Alaska since most homos don't like the cold. Can you see Barney Frank up there in ANWAR trying to have butt sex with an Eskimo. I bet they'd be feasting on his blubber in no time flat! I might be able to understand not drilling around the Creation Science musem because there's people there to enjoy it. But ANWAR?! No, sir.

There are some lie-berals that say it'll take 30 years to start getting oil outta ANWAR and it don't help with the short term solution. They're stupid. If we'd started drilling there 30 years ago we wouldn't be where we are now!


What would you say to 3 trillion barrels of oil? Think that'd bring down the price of gas? Lie-berals say no thank you. This is the only country in the world where we hold a wake when we find new oild supplies! Shale oil extraction could solve our gas crisis overnight. But the dumbo-crats won't even let you dig a hole in the ground. "We have to respect Mother Goddess Earth", they blaspheme. Let's just remember that God told us that we held DOMINION over the earth! The only thing that we ain't supposed to touch is the forbidden fruit and that dumb broad already messed that one up. So just like the female of the species always does, Pelosi don't do what God wants and does do what He don't want. We are the Saudi Arabia of coal and shale AND we don't wear towels on our heads. That's a win-win in everybody's book except the lie-berals. You see, it don't advance the revolution.

What's wrong with digging holes? Beats me! I bet that
lie-beral parents don't even let kids dig in a sandbox now!


What do you care about more - having the God-given right to drive around the corner to the store or taking a ride on a dolphin? That's one of them questions that you don't really answer. It's more to make the point that defeato-crats are so stupid that they don't realize that we are part of the environment too! It ain't the plants and animals that made America the greatest country on earth. It's people! And progress takes energy. Them Greenpeace terrorists don't never think about the fact that it takes gas for to drive their boats to stop Americans from having a nice tuna fish sandwich for lunch. If they was honest then they'd swim. But they ain't. Instead, they wanna let 85% of the oil that that Creator put under the ocean just rot like milk left out on the counter. Why? Because they hate America.

If Greenpeace really cared about the environment like they
claim they do, they'd stop using boats to rob Americans of
the gas that belongs to them and swim instead.

So to sum it all up, if you don't wanna turn this country into a land of commie mulisms sitting around reading the koran by candlelight call your congressman TODAY and tell him that you want every single drop of oil we can get our hands on!

God is Love!