Raj Goes to DC

Vannakam,
Today is my first full day in Washington DC. Today was the National Day of Service as decreed by his majesty Barack Obama. I have dutifully served my masters at Boston News Net and begin acquiring insightful interviews. I met one man who lost his investment banking job, and several beautiful young women. One group actually was staying with my former roommate from IIT (Kumar from White Castle). I did not witness much other service outside of the police who were quite jovial. I asked one if I may film the Supreme Court, and he told me "Move Along, Sir". Such a gentleman! We had lunch at a place called Nando's which had a delicious cheese and mushroom wrap. I highly recommend it! And for dinner, we went to a Subway and had their Vegetarian Sandwich. Delicious! Don't worry, JR, I've saved the receipts.

Love,
Raj Sivaraman

Raj Goes to DC (Day 3)

SNOW! New York City is covered with a blanket of this filthy grey fluff. I am told that it is supposed to be white, but in Boston and New York, it is always grey. Perhaps I am colourblind (much like the Americans who voted for Obama)? Nevertheless, I made it to the correct Sbarro, and jumped onto the bus (not literally, for if I did, I would likely fall as my shoes were so slippery). The bus ride was quite pleasant, despite the fact that I stopped several times due to the bathroom locking itself. We had lunch at a Burger King, which had a Veggie Burger which was quite delicious, proving that nobody makes food quite like royalty. I arrived into DC late in the afternoon after missing a very big concert and Barack Obama’s speech. Apparently he will be giving 124 speeches over the week. He likes to talk more than JR likes to lick himself. More importantly, I missed Josh Groban! He sings comparable to Abu Malik, but more pleasant and less Muslim. Looking forward to spending Martin Luther King Day in DC!

Love,
Raj

It's been eight years. Count 'em, eight. I know I've been counting them - backwards, actually, and by the slow, wretched second. And now the George W. Bush presidency is in its last moments, which means there's only one thing left to do: cruelly remind the world that it ever happened. That's right, it's time to build W.'s presidential library.

Unlike the one in this photo, the Presidential Library
will be more of a depository of Bush's presidential
documents and memorabilia. But like in the picture,
most of said documents will be crayon illustrations.

Every president gets one. Since John Adams, at least. I heard that Bush wanted two, one for each term, but eventually ended up settling for one library, and one
Snuggie. What, you didn't get one for Christmas either? It's a blanket with arm-holes! It is so genius.

For the one library that will eventually exist, here are some predictions about what it will feature:

-Penalty for being too loud: waterboarding.
-Tour group meeting point for children left behind
-Display: Bush's flag pin collection
-A GM showroom (fine print in auto industry bailout bill)
-Display: Cheney's human heart collection
-Outdoor fountain illustrating trickle-down economic policy
-Accompanying wishing well, illustrating same policy for low-income visitors
-Gift shop item: George Bush Brand (c) Pretzels (more holes and less pretzel to reduce choking hazard)
-Bush Adult Literacy Center for those who cannot read, have great senses of irony
-A dog park. Yeah, there's that recession business, but everybody likes dogs.

By the way, construction costs for the library are currently estimated at $200 million - $500 million. If we apply the current model of Bush Administration budget planning, that means it will actually end up costing roughly $1 trillion, 300 billion Chinese yuan, and there might be a Draft or something.

Raj Goes to DC Day 2

Day 2

Hello,
If you are unfamiliar with whom I am, I am Raj Sivaraman. I am the Boston News Net South Asian Head Correspondent. I told previous readers yesterday that I was on a bus going to New York. I spent one night at Grand Central Station (point of order – it is NOT a hotel, JR). I went to the Bolt Bus stop next to Sbarro, but apparently it was the wrong stop (or the wrong Sbarro, I am not sure). So, they said that they will put me on tomorrow’s bus to Washington, DC. So, I have to spend one more night in this wretched city that so desperately wishes to be Mumbai, yet never will be. However, I do like this restaurant called Copper Chimney in “Little India” on 126 E 28th Street. FIRST CLASS! With their delicious appetizers under $10, and entrees under $20, it’s the one place in New York that you get REAL quality for your money! You can call for reservations at (212) 213-5742. I think I may go back to stay at the Grand Central Station anyway. Those wooden pews were quite comfortable.

Love, Raj.

I told you I was right

So I’m sure all seen the news that the Hudson River had to be used as an emergency landing strip. The good news is that everyone seems to be ok. The even better news is that this proves I was right. You see most news outlets are reporting that this was as accident. But it wasn’t. It was a deliberate attack on our sovereignty by a highly organized group. A group that I warned us all about in a Week In Fucked back in April. If you can’t remember here’s the clip.

Most people, including JR, thought the idea was crazy. That birds were our enemy and that we needed to defend ourselves against them. But who’s laughing now? If you walk outside you’ll hear who, the honking goose, the quacking duck, the cawing seagull. Yup, all of bird-dom is celebrating this victory. And this will only be the first. If you’re smart, you’ll listen to me this time. This is why we need guns. Or at least more cats.

Matt

Raj Goes to DC

This is a repeat of my previous post, as JR has informed me that most of the readers can't read Hindi. I say, what is the point writing a blog for illiterates? Anyway, here is what I said in English.

Hello,
My name is Raj Sivaraman. I am the Chief South Asian Political Correspondent for Boston News Net. JR has asked me to blog about my trip down to Washington DC for the inauguration of President Barack Obama. Currently I am on a Bolt Bus heading to New York, where I will spend the night at a lovely hotel called Grand Central Station. Then the next day, I will take the bus down to Washington, where I will go report. Expect more highlights of my trip to come. Hope everyone is enjoying their Pongal celebrations. I'm not. I'm on a bus.
Love, Raj.

BNN Headline News - Cold Weather Increases Cursing on American Sidewalks

Raj Goes to DC

हैलो,

मेरा नाम राज शिवरामन है. मैं बोस्टन समाचार नेट के लिए चीफ दक्षिण एशियाई राजनीतिक संवाददाता हूँ. जे आर राष्ट्रपति ओबामा के उद्घाटन के लिए वाशिंगटन डीसी के लिए मेरी यात्रा नीचे के बारे में ब्लॉग के लिए मुझे कहा है. वर्तमान में मैं एक भागो बस न्यूयॉर्क, जहाँ मैं एक सुंदर होटल में ग्रांड सेंट्रल स्टेशन बुलाया रात बिताना होगा शीर्षक पर हूँ. फिर अगले दिन, मैं जहाँ मैं रिपोर्ट जाएंगे वाशिंगटन, की बस नीचे ले जाएगा. मेरी यात्रा का अधिक डाला अपेक्षा आने के लिए. आशा है कि हर कोई उनकी पोंगल समारोह का आनंद ले रहा है. मैं नहीं हूँ. मैं एक बस में हूँ.
प्यार, राज.