Holier Than Now

A nationwide study has found that more Americans than ever do not identify themselves as members of any organized religious group.

The decline in godfearing may spell disaster for already-hurting small businesses. Like the ones that trick out yarmulkes, or the few butchers who really know how to cut the finest Jesus flank around. But mostly, these changing demographics are having an impact in Rhode Island.

It doesn't take much to impact Rhode Island, we know. It's a miracle that the state even managed to repopulate itself after the Station fire. Still, this is a big deal too. As the local press has noted, the state has moved from a 62 percent Catholic population in 1990 to only 46 percent now. It's like the entire Kickemuit Klose Condominium Complex stopped going to church!

What have the local Dioceses said to this devastating news? In a word, "Nahhh."

According to the Providence Journal, the Catholic Diocese of Providence, "acknowledges only a slight decline in the percentage of Catholics." Church officials note that they still see large crowds of people in church, and have refuted the findings of the national report. A separate study by the Association of Statisticians of American Religious Bodies has found a similar decrease in American religion. But it's like, still. Come on. Nahhh.

One Narragansett Reverend says that he finds the numbers hard to believe, and actually, maybe we should just take him at his word. We've read the Old Testament, and have decided that the Reverend's standards of hard-to-believe must be pretty fucking high.