Wednesday, June 3, 2009

North End Residents Shocked by Dimasi Indictment

I'm shocked, shocked to find that gambling is going on in here!

Unlike Captain Renault in Casablanca, the Boston Globe reports that the residents of the North End are shocked and dismayed after they learned of the federal indictment against former Massachusetts Speaker of the House Sal DiMasi.

We at BNN have conducted an investigation and have discovered other revelations that have shocked the North End residents.

Professional wrestling is staged.

Residents were saddened and disheartened to learn that the Ultimate Warrior is neither ultimate nor a warrior, unless you coount his new career as a crazy fringe activist. They also lamented at the fact that the only death involved in a Death Match occurs 15 years later as a result of steroids and hard living. Shocked.

Liberace was gay

Many North End residents were big fans of the flamboyant pianist and always imagined that he would settle down and meet the right girl. Residents interviewed often made statements to the effect of "I just thought he was using the flamboyant costumes to meet girls."

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