Professor Genius Reviews: Cigarettes

Editor's Note: This week, Professor Genius reviews cigarettes. He had never smoked previously, but for the sake of the experiment, he seems to have fallen in love. Thankfully, he leaves his work at the office, which is now filthy. - Mindy

5. Camels: these (and American Spirits) are the only smokes with biodegradable filterations. If you're going to start smoking, Camel is the way to go. It's a smooth light taste that will stick around for eternity. Do you remember your first Camel? Ah, the nausea was stirring.

Addiction Rate: 85%

Bad Breath Meter: 7

Burn Time: 5 min

4. Candy: these smokes are not even smokes! But they really create a solid bonding experience for father and son. A great stocking stuffer for a young lad! Another stocking stuffer might be dental candy!

Addiction Rate: 4%

Bad Breath Meter: 1
Burn Time: 37 min

3. Benson & Hedges: these cigarettes come from the British. Unfortunately, the B&H's sold in the US are not imported. This disappoints several of my foreign friends. Still, an elegant cigarette for a night of getting pregnant.

Addiction Rate: 67%

Bad Breath meter: 8

Burn Time: 6 min

2. Lucky Strike: a fine cigarette (best non-filtered). The best thing about these smokes are the packaging. If you have any friends that have quit smoking, one way to get them to start again to flash a pack of these babies! Kurt Cobain smoked them and he was quite successful in his career.

Addiction Rate: 89%

Bad Breath Meter: 9

Burn Time: 5 min

1. Kool: this brand brings a wonderful tingly sensation. I'm not sure what it is, but it reminds me of my blue shampoo! Somehow I can just breath deeper. It's a Christmas miracle!

Addiction Rate: 95%

Bad Breath Meter: 4

Burn Time: 6.5 min