Feel Better About You

So the Globe asked readers to send in pictures that apparently have something to do with Heath Ledger's suicide. This one right here is one of my favorites for a variety of reasons. The guy is wearing black eye make-up under the mask, and the older lady is dressed as one of the caped crusader's oldest foes: some kind of winged prostitute. Analysis suggests that the little girl is smiling because Mr "Never-too-old-for-Halloween-or-pretending-I'm-a-superhero" is pinching one of her facial nerves.

Here is a Graph

The Boston Globe is the best paper on the globe. That's why they're named as such. Today they give us a graph to enjoy, complete with lines and colors and numbers. Those who went to math school will instantly notice that the globe has just informed us that the Big Dig cost, in the words of Mr Webster "a fucking shitload." Thank you, Boston Globe. We knew you would get to that one eventually.

Globe: Big Dig's Red Ink Engulfs State

Kevin Cullen, Local Genius, Knows Many Things!

Just who is this silver fox who bears such a striking resemblance to Niles Crane's father? It's Kevin Cullen, that's who! And he loves his prematurely gray hair! And golf shirts under blazers! And writing rambling editorials for the Globe that are supposed to seem kind of brash and fun (he uses slang and such things!), but actually make you feel bad because it's not fun. Not at all! Make sure you read his work every chance you get, because he needs the support of his readers! And help moving into the Residence in in Taunton!

Cullen: If you don't like homosexuals, don't marry one

China Prepares For Olympics By Renforcing Stereotypes

BEIJING - Ahead of the August 8th opening ceremony for the Summer Olympics (XXIX for those counting and are Roman), China has been screwing around with fireworks, because apparently that's their thing. They will also be making tea, skittering around in dragon costumes, and mercilessly suppressing dissidents.

Jesus Saves

“I couldn’t have done it without my mother,” said a smiling Jesus. “And I learned to be calm from my dad.”


Eight Year Old Jesus a Savior

Oil Prices Drop, Waiting For Things to Get Okay Again Before Spiking

Oil prices dropped $4.50 to $134.24 a barrel today, continuing a slide in prices that started on Tuesday morning. While experts believe that the cause is attributable to increased supply coupled with a slackening demand due to decreased consumption, we at BNN are anticipating that it will shoot up to $200/barrel shortly, just as soon as the fallout from the FannieMae/FreddieMac bail-out passes and Americans start to feel hopeful about the economy.

JD Drew is King of Baseball!

JD Drew, who has spent the last 32 years desperately overcompensating for being a dirty ginger nutz, has been named King of Baseball after his 2-run homer during last night's All-Star game hit a blind kid in the stands and miraculously gave him sight. And cancer. In baseball, that's scored as a .500 and gets you a star shaped candle stick from Filenes Basement. It was marked down because it used to be part of a pair whose mate was destroyed in 1997 after Wil Cordero knocked it over while looking for something shiny to beat his wife with.